The Orgasm Gap by Lara DiCarlo part 2 of 2

Reprinted with permission from

Mind the Gap

Orgasms are great. We’re pretty sure no one would argue that point. They feel great, they’re good for you, and if you have a hand (pun fully intended) in helping someone achieve one, that feels pretty great too.

But not all of us are experiencing orgasms as nearly often as others, and it’s happening across the US. This is the orgasm gap. If you’re not familiar with the term don’t worry, we’re going to take a deep dive into the epidemic and how to fix it.

One-third of people with vaginas are infrequently orgasming when they have sex. (Infrequent is defined as having an orgasm 50% of the time or less…sometimes never!) The gap exists between heterosexual and LGBTQ+ people: 66% of heterosexual people with vaginas orgasm frequently whereas 73% of people with vaginas within the LGBTQ+ community do. But don’t worry—we’re here to help.

Now that we know what it is, let’s delve a little deeper into why the orgasm gap exists. Wanting to understand more about pleasure, we surveyed more than 1,000 people about their orgasms and sexual experiences.

Here’s what we found:

  • 52% of people who orgasm frequently are comfortable telling their partners what they enjoy vs. 26% who don’t orgasm frequently
  • 36% of people who orgasm frequently are confident in their bodies vs. 19% who don’t orgasm frequently
  • 49% of people who orgasm frequently report having a skilled partner vs. 18% who don’t orgasm frequently
  • 82% of people who orgasm frequently know the location of their clitoris vs. 71% who don’t orgasm frequently
  • 49% of people who orgasm frequently know the location of their G-spot vs. 30% who don’t orgasm frequently

The takeaway? Knowing and understanding your anatomy, talking with your partner, body confidence, and a willingness to try new positions are all related to how often you orgasm.

Taking Ownership of Our Orgasms

Now that we’ve covered what the orgasm gap is, you might be wondering what steps you can take to avoid falling into the orgasm gap. Let’s start at the very beginning.




a climax of sexual excitement, characterized by feelings of pleasure centered in the genitals

That’s true, in many cases. Merriam Webster never leads us astray. However, it is important to note that the genitals are not the only body part involved in achieving various types of orgasm. More specifically, orgasms are characterized by the rhythmic contraction and relaxation of muscles as a result of stimulation and arousal. Those muscles may be in several different erogenous zones, not just the genitals.

Many people report the following to be particularly sensitive and enticing areas:

  • Nipples
  • Feet
  • Neck
  • Hips
  • Buttocks
  • Ears/Face/Mouth

This list is by no means exhaustive. Truly, an erogenous zone can be anywhere you enjoy being touched. All consensual touch can be intimate and erotic in the right setting.

Types of Stimulation

Stimulating the erogenous zones helps increase your level of arousal, which for many can lead to an orgasm. That’s why foreplay is such an important part of any sexual experience.

Here are the most commonly enjoyed forms of stimulation:

  • Clitoral
  • Vaginal
  • Nipple 
  • Anal

There’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to stimulation. Different people enjoy different types of movement, speeds and amount of pressure. Exploring your body gives you the chance to learn what you find the most enjoyable.

What works for someone else might not work for you. That’s why we encourage you to keep trying until you find the thing that you find pleasurable. When you learn what types of speeds, movements, and pressure you enjoy, it makes it easier for you to articulate that to a partner. Being confident in your sexuality is important. If you don’t know what you enjoy, it’s hard to explain to your partner how to pleasure you. And it becomes even harder to achieve orgasm.

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